| so. dalton prom.
jessica frederik was there with some hideously ugly guy who she insisted was a) rich b) funny c) a drug dealer. i say if you don't have the face the point is moot.
moot. hehe.
anyway that was nice because normally jessica frederik makes me feel sort of inadequate and i'm like weirdly obsessed with her and i'm really jealous of her, and every time she tells me about her life i just want to burst into tears and sob for three hours because i'm not the one living it.
oh...
that must be how you all feel...
isn't it terrible?? but anyway: ADVICE FOR TEENAGED GIRLS: don't be jealous of anyone who has an ugly date.
the prom itself was fine, and peter moscowitz is a fucking fox, and afterwards we schlepped back out to the hamptons again. it was at the moscowitz' house, and aaron was the "chaperone" for the party, which means he holed himself up in one of the third-story bedrooms in the East Wing and watched Will and Grace and cried about his sad gay little life and how nobody understands him except debra messing.
the next day jessica frederik and i lay out by their pool for like seven hours and drank long island iced teas while the boys pretended they weren't too loaded to throw a football around. there were some other girls there. they sat on the other side of the pool and stared at us. i think they were jealous of either
a) the number of our ribs you can see
b) our matching missoni bathing suits.
MATCHING! WE DIDN'T EVEN PLAN IT! GODDDDDD.
but the thing was jessica has these fab tom ford eyewear sunglasses and then i felt really inadequate again. so i went upstairs and watched will and grace with aaron and made approx. 400 jokes about how he's gay. then he drove me home in his end-of-freshman-year present which is a BITCHIN' bmw sportscar. later peter called and was like pissed that i left without him and i had to like really apologize because i really like him and he's REALLY eligible but i was just like "your brother's upset because he's gay" and he was like "oh that. okay."
i might have sex with peter moscowitz. who knows.
anyway i have to pack. i'm going on a trip. which i'll tell you all about later.
peace bitch.
allie | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | just quickly:
i firmly believe nicole richie will save humanity.
that is all.
<3 allie | | comments: Leave a comment |
| oh lord. so much has happened. christ.
firstly we settled on the badgley mischka for HM prom. it is ugly but i'm working on a more glam, less jappy look. so i took a cue from the olsen twins, who have been looking fab lately, if a little fat. if you haven't seen the badgley mischka ad with them, look at it. you will come all over the place.
for dalton prom i appropriately chose something a lot flashier and less ugly, like dalton students. all i have to say is it is fucking impossible to look bad in leopard print and rhinestones...god.
to trinity i wore black, just to remind them that we're in new york city and not west hartford. it was fine, except it was one of those dresses where you have to concede early in the night that everyone is going to see your boobs.
ADVICE FOR TEENAGED GIRLS: THAT'S OKAY.
....~~~**~~~....
that was fun.
oh and the other proms don't matter. i barely remember them.
prom. LITERALLY i have never seen so many horace mann parents take such an active role in their children's social lives. it was absurd. they were everywhere. taking pictures, pouring us champagne, putting bouteniers on...it was absurd. they were like little aliens. it was just like...what are you DOING here?
the limo...would be best described as a crack den. those fucking color changing lights...MAN...gets me every time.
post prom in the hamptons was a little fab. it was bizarre because it was like...a HOUSE party...in a REAL HOUSE....i was tripping. but it wasn't like house parties in the movies because there was a huge picasso hanging over the fireplace. and i definitely saw like three chagalls. (i may have spilled my alize and stoli elit on one of them. whoops.) it was at liz fein's house and she basically cried and had a nervous breakdown the whole time about people messing up the house. then colin and i decided to slip her a sedative because she was being annoying. so she passed out in the pool, so that was a little scary for a second, but we rescued her and put her to sleep in a closet.
god i am SUCH a good person sometimes. maybe she'll buy me a present for saving her life. have you seen the new fendis??? christ.
advice for teenaged girls: save somebody's life. maybe you'll get a present.
so i wouldn't have sex with colin, because i'm not a slut, and i think he was like really REALLY angry about it, but he kept it to himself and didn't say anything and just drank some gin.
because he's a wasp.
okay i'm getting my hair relaxed and colored tomorrow so i have to go to sleep - i'm really into sleep these days - but i'll tell you all about that later. i also have massively important news and advice about dalton prom, the SATs, and my latest literary conquest. stay tuned, fuckers.
peace bitch.
allie | | comments: Leave a comment |
| sorry i haven't updated. i've been hungover. you know how it is.
i need to go track down some prescription painkillers and then we can talk.
oh and i lost four pounds.
peace bitch,
allie | | comments: Leave a comment |
| my life is so COMPLICATED sometimes.
today, in an effort to test-drive if you will my new gay friend, i had aaron take me prom dress shopping.
my crazy bitch mother insisted on meeting up with us. she had the fucking GALL to suggest that i might wear the same dress to the Dalton prom and the Horace Mann prom.
WHAT. IS. SHE. ON?
I slapped her. just for suggesting that.
she got distracted in the gucci store so aaron and i could have our own gay little fun. it was weird, talking to him about going to prom with peter. this is what i'm saying. my life is so COMPLICATED sometimes. here's pretty much what happened.
aaron: so how long have you been fucking my brother?
me: we don't have sex. i'm not dirty. i just give him head. how long have you been fucking guys?
aaron: first of all allie, it's one guy and it's been about two months. ooooooh [in a very homo voice] this would look great on you. i wonder if they have it in green?
i'm not homophobic. i'm just aaron moscowitz-phobic. he took the best year of my life. not to say i've peaked or anything, but i looked fucking GOOD sophomore year. GOD. wasted on the homo. WASTED.
advice for teenaged girls: don't waste your good looks on a homo who's only going to end up whining about the fact that you're hooking up with his little brother.
my life is so complicattteddddddddd...but you know what? if your life isn't complicated it can never be truly fabulous.
i need to go read some gay little poems for english. not gay in the aaron moscowitz way. gay in the poetry way. you know.
-A | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| WHY in the name of ALL THAT IS PROFANE do universities let out so fucking early? Guess who has been roaming around the upper east side making me want to take my own life ever since Penn finished?
I'll give you a hint: he likes to fuck guys.
He needs to stay in Pennsylvania. But of course he's working at an bank or some shit this summer. I saw him wearing kind of a fab jacket. You know.
FAB.
not okay at all. however, he has taken to buying me drinks. I think he feels bad about how gay he is.
ADVICE FOR TEENAGED GIRLS: All is forgiven if someone buys you enough drinks.
i'm starting to think that aaron moscowitz' homosexuality might have more perks than i originally thought. meaning, it might have a perk. because i originally thought there were zero perks.
how fun is it to have a gay best friend? it's just like a boyfriend except you don't have to give him head. HOW FAB. he could take me shopping and we could get manicures together and he could buy me drinks. we could get nonfat lattes. if i drank lattes. well. we could get espresso. we'll pick up guys together. that could be good, right?
the other perk is that i don't have to feel guilty about hooking up with my ex-boyfriend's little brother anymore, because the ex-boyfriend likes penis. not that i ever ACTUALLY felt guilty about it, because i don't have a soul, but i don't have to wonder about why i wasn't feeling guilty anymore.
i'm a complex person.
i'm going to go give my doorman my dad's watch so he won't tell my parents i had about ninety wasted wealthy teenagers in the apartment last night.
peace bitch,
allie. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | gay. | | Time: | 12:32 am |
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| oh and i forgot.
aaron moscowitz? still gay.
gay gay gay.
peter moscowitz? taking me to HIS prom. maybe this will give me some solace from the fact that his brother LIKES TO FUCK GUYS.
you know what? i like prom season. but only because i'm popular. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | oh. no. Marissa's bat mitzvah. ... ... I literally do not know if the Weinbergs will ever live down Marissa's bat mitzvah. The whole thing has been a debacle from the beginning. my parents reserved the date with the synagogue when Marissa was born, and once they knew the date they reserved Windows on the World. But then some bronfmans joined our synagogue and wanted Marissa's date for some little child or something so we tried to also sell them the windows on the world reservation. and i mean, i know september 11 was a really depressing day, but i'd just like to say i think it was especially depressing for the bronfmans. because they paid to get to use windows on the world. and i suppose it was also depressing for my dad because now the bronfmans hate him. So then, we had to get ANOTHER reservation for a space and we managed to get a ballroom at the plaza. this prompted my LAME sister marissa to want an Eloise themed bat-mitzvah. no themes. actually, there are a few themes that are acceptable. the slightly-ironic-but-actually-serious themes are nice. Tiffany's theme. Ivy League theme. All cute. Eloise? No. but to appeal to everyone's rational side, i insisted it couldn't be Eloise themed because Eloise is a dirty shikse. My sister asked how I knew and I said she because had thin hair and a little nose and a white maid...duh. so we went with a white-themed bat mitzvah, but then the school called and asked us not to because it could be construed as racist. it's like...GOD. my bat mitzvah did not cause this many problems. i'm also not a raging idiot so i didn't have insane amounts of trouble learning my torah portion and haftarah. marissa is LEGIT dumb as a post. to motivate her my parents told her to pretend she had to learn it to get into college. then she started to cry. i think it was then when i decided to convince her she didn't exist. anyway she pulled it off kind of decently in synagogue, i think because norah hired that hypnotist to get her to learn it. fabulous. the party was...well... i don't remember. and neither does my mother. and neither does my father. and neither does josh. and marissa won't speak to any of us because she said we were all really drunk and embarrassed her. and i said, how could i possibly embarass you, did you see how good i looked? and she said that i threw up on her, told her it wasn't because of alcohol it was because i had an extra piece of cake, and invited her to the bathroom to do coke with me. GOD, it's like...you try to be NICE to someone and look what they do. she's really just upset because then Angela took me home and my sister put on my dress because i had apparently puked all over hers, and my dress wouldn't zip up all the way because i'm skinny and she's fat. GOD it's like what does she WANT from me????? She'll get over it eventually. if not i'll just go back to pretending she doesn't exist. In other news, Colin Prescott asked me to prom with him. It's weird because all my other prom dates have been Jews. But Colin says it's okay because I drink like a wasp. so that's good. peace bitch. <3A. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 09:05 pm | | Current Mood: |  crappy |
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| oh. my. god.
aaron moscowitz is gay. he is totally, mind-boggling, man-purse-owning, top-button-unbuttoning, guy-fucking GAY!
is this okay? no. might this explain his breaking up with me? never. this is not okay.
facebook is good for stalking. but sometimes, you come across pictures of AARON MOSCOWITZ MAKING OUT WITH MEN
in bars in philadelphia. once more, to reiterate, is this okay? NO. hell no.
girls can get drunk and hook up with other girls. girls SHOULD get drunk and hook up with other girls. that's attractive. that's hott. that makes you cool.
boys cannot get drunk and hook up with other boys. that's GAY.
i dated a gay guy.
i dated a gay guy.
i dated a gay guy.
nope, not sinking in. i might need to punch trini/josh/marissa just to feel better, since i already slammed my door so hard all the paint fell off and it finally fell off its hinges.
i need a door.
speaking of punching marissa, i had dinner with her, and my mother has convinced [read: bribed] me to start acting like she exists again. it's like...GOD. thirteen year olds. so lame. who wants to be thirteen? APPARENTLY my idiot sister does. she has like "low self esteem" or whatever. it's not my fault i'm infinitely better than her in every way.
but i can talk to her again because her bat mitzvah is coming up, and the party is going to be fabulous, and i want to be important at the party and be able to invite a lot of people so i have to be the bat mitzvah girl's sister, you know? i can't just pretend i don't know her like at school or at home or on the street or when she's crying in the second floor girls' bathroom.
anyway, she, my mother, and i are going dress shopping for the event this week. i'm going to make sure she buys a pointed ugly dress, because she's like a little pretty, you know? we can't have competition. no no.
wow, plotting against marissa has already made me feel better about aaron.
oh. and my parents say i can't get my nose fixed, but i haven't really thrown a fit yet. it will come. they are insisting that josh get it done though, because he is sincerely ugly. it's necessary. they're glad i alerted them to it. you know how you can't tell if your own children are ugly? yeah.
gotta go tell peter moscowitz his brother's a fag. peace.
-Allie | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Sorry.
I've been in China.
I don't want to live there because...it's China. So I'm crossing Tsinghua off my list. Did you know that there are no Jews in China?
I'm skipping school on Thursday and Friday to visit Yale. I'm going with Jessica Frederik, who's fabulous. I would like to go on college visits with Ilana but I just can't (she's not smart). I think she's going to visit Penn this weekend. I'll tell her to slap Aaron Moscowitz if she sees him. No specific reason. Just the general fact that's he's a tool.
I have to go to dinner with Marissa today.
EW.
My mom is mad because six months ago I told Marissa to pretend she doesn't exist because she's SO ANNOYING and it worked and now she doesn't think she exists either and has like a complex or issues or some shit and goes to therapy like every other day. Whoops.
Little sisters. Can't live with 'em, can't live...oh wait. Nope. Just can't live with 'em.
Gaslighting people is fun.
Today Nicole tried to make conversation with me. I'm still mad at her for the whole pretend-she's-ano-so-she-doesn't-have-to-go-to-Dorr thing.
ADVICE FOR TEENAGED GIRLS: Don't pretend you're ano so you don't have to go to Dorr. I will make your life miserable.
But the thing is, I think I might want to make friends with her again because...she's just the right amount of pretty, you know? Like pretty enough so that people like her, but not so pretty so that she in any way competes with me? You know? So I'm thinking she might be back on the island soon. Who knows.
OH. MY. GOD. I just about lost my mind today. Ashley Krantz got her nose fixed and she looks SO GOOD. That's NOT FAIR. She was HIDEOUS.
I HAVE HAVE HAVE to get my nose done. You have to keep up with these girls, you know?!?
I'm going to ask Harold and Norah tonight. Maybe I'll throw in the incentive that if they let me, I'll make Josh do it too, and he's like...actively ugly, so they'll say yes.
ARGGHGHGHGGHHHH EMERGENCY!!! Josh's doctor took him off adderall. that's just not okay AT ALL. They want to see how he does with
Extra Time. I was like my brother's not a retard, he doesn't need Extra Time. Well, he IS a retard, but not like in school. And everyone on extra time still takes their meds anyway. It's not like a one-or-the-other-thing. It's like a cheat-and-get-better-grades thing. Obv.
In retrospect, this has been a kind of bad day. But for some reason it's not really getting to me. Ohhhh, right. It's the valium I stole from my shrink's office. Duh.
Peace,
A-$ | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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