getting good grades

Hey bitches. Mondays are terrible. Normally Mondays are terrible because they're my first period of prolonged sobriety after the weekend and sometimes it's a little hard to get adjusted to. This is unavoidable, and the reasons are twofold. Firstly, the mark of a weekend well spent is chemically - or sometimes herbally - altered states, and a pounding headache on sunday that neccessitates the vicodin your dad keeps around from the last time he threw his back out. So unless you want to have a bad weekend, Monday is your foray back into being sober [read: bored].

Mondays are kind of good because...um...I like it when people are all talking about me? So normally there's a lot of gossip from the weekend, and I'm the star of it! That's pretty fun, because it's always fun to see the different stories people hear. Par exemple,

Wait. Maybe that French immersion shit worked. Hmmm. Maybe I could learn to speak fluent French and study abroad or live in paris and work for Vogue and sit in little cafes and smoke cigarettes and wear Christian Louboutin pumps around and wander around the city by myself and see my Russian painter boyfriend occasionally. That actually sounds really fun! And kind of familiar. Maybe there would be like a french rap soundtrack playing everywhere I went, and maybe I would fall on my face in Dior...

Oh, fuck. I'm doing this thing that happens sometimes where I subconsciously superimpose the lives of the characters on Sex and the City onto my own...it gets a little confusing. I mean, I kind of live that life, but with no work. And only blowjobs. Wait, what was I saying? Oh YEAH, when people gossip about me. Ahem. Par exemple,

I overhear: "Did you hear that Allie Weinberg hooked up with Nathan Brodbaum?"

I know the truth: Allie Weinberg hooked up with Nathan Brodbaum, Matt Schulnik, Brad Coleman, Trent Enzinstein, and Josh Green. And here we use "hook up" liberally.

I overhear: "Did you hear that Allie Weinberg got her check settled for free at Lemon because the owner thought she was cute?"

I know the truth: Allie Weinberg got her check settled for free at Lemon AND Sushi Samba, and got - count 'em - nine cocktails sent to her table in Bar Masa.

I overhear: "Did you hear Allie Weinberg did coke?"

I know the truth: Has this person been living under a fucking rock?

Anyway, the way my life gets presented in moderation is actually kind of handy. That's what I'm talking about. Spin. And never talk about your own weekend. Let others talk about it for you! And seem kind of bored with the whole thing. That is the mark of true awesomeness.

Anyway, I have to go take a practice SAT. And read Mrs. Dalloway. I kind of like Mrs. Dalloway, because she's pretty. Fuck, I hate my english class...there are just so many...books to read. God.